Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
