maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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