Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
