Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
