false alarm. still invincible.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
