I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
