You smell like stripper and shame
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I pour the whiskey from now on
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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