5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
