wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
