mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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