He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
