FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's blow job season.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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