You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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