If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
