Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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