you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
