i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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