I can feel you judging me through the phone.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
