Whatcha textin bout Willis?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
