Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
