My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
