Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just invented taco cereal.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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