Can i not drive my cunt home
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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