I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
