just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
