Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
