It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
