it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
