looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
