Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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