you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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