When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you had me at cake vodka
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
