The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone signed my nipple.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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