I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
