Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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