My friends, they love my intelligence
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
