Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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