Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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