She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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