So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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