one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
