accomplished twins. life is a go
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
