he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
