Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize