And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
