but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
