i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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