I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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