She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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