i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
pray to the hookup gods
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
