You work out of a Hotel?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize