so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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