Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
