I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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