Don't make out with my wife yet
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
