I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
