Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
