these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
