I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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