I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i now understand why vodka
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
