My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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