i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
