I will die if light touches me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
