you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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