He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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