we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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