you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
