Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You don't make any sense
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