Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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