It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
