just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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