mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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