Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
