My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Drake has all the answers
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
