God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
